An honest review of Seminary and a moment of gratitude!

Wow... where to begin...

Let's start with, Father Alexis has graduated seminary! Wahoooo! Second, I have been getting asked the question of "What do we call you?" a lot, so I'll settle it. I am going by Pani (paw-nee), which is the Ukrainian term for a priest wife. I struggle with whether or not to go by my birth name Delaney or my baptismal name, Alexandra... you may call me either. I also am fine with Pani Laney or Pani Alex. I'll also respond to "Hey you!" so honestly, whatever you're comfortable with, and if you call me Delaney, I am not going to chastise you in any way. Lol

I started this reflection with my candid take on our life at seminary, and then finished with a moment of gratitude. I contemplated with whether or not to make these two separate posts, or lead with the positive. I am keeping it as is, and I urge you, please read to the end. I have so many people I need to thank. We couldn't have made it through seminary without you.

Fr. Alexis & I at graduation

It feels like such a HUGE sigh of relief to have finished this phase of the process toward becoming a full-time active duty Army chaplain. We set out on this journey 3 years ago... well, longer, but the official start of classes was in the fall of 2022. As many of you know who have kept up with me, you know that seminary was not an easy time for our family, especially coming after the absolute high point of our lives while in Poland... going from that to seminary, was extremely challenging. If you have ever gone to a seminary and experienced struggle, my heart goes out to you... and to your extended families who are with you during the process. I know that for my extended family, watching us go through seminary was a real eye-opening experience.

Now, let's get into the nitty gritty...

With every hard there is a counter joy... It has been difficult to come up with the words to describe my seminary experience. It was also very heartbreaking to be labeled as "negative" when I was just being honest about my struggle. I don't consider myself a negative person, and I try not to vent unless I am in the safety net of those who know me well. I learned the lesson the hard way, that not everyone is a safe person to open up to, unfortunately.

While my recount is not the experience of others, I argue it's the experience of more people than will admit. Often, we ran into a culture that wanted to romanticize the seminary experience, and we felt like black sheep, and were frankly treated as such, for having an alternative perspective. This environment left us wrestling with a lot of internal dialogue. One of those being, "There is so much pain, sorrow, and turmoil in the world around us, how can we not count our numerous blessings?" In my attempt to acknowledge our struggle, but also express our blessings and privilege, here is my "column a, column b" list that hopefully gives a snapshot of life at seminary from *this chaplain's wife's perspective:

In summary....

Do you want to live on food stamps?

Do you want to live in an overpriced home in the middle of Northeastern Pennsylvania that likely has toxic levels of mold?

Have you ever thought, "Rats are cool house pets?"

...then seminary might be right for you! HAHA!

All jokes aside, while the negative aspects were certainly real, the depth of spiritual growth (although perhaps me even saying I've grown spiritually is like 10 steps backward), the opportunity for strengthening and growing our family, and the intense immersion into a life outside of our comfort zone was VERY needed for entering into ministry.

We feel called to do this as a family, and my husband feels called by God to serve The Church in this way, so we know that we must stay focused even when things get tough. "The road is narrow," and this is all part of the hard work of living a life for Christ. NEVER GIVE UP. This is our gift to Christ. This is one way in which we show Him that we love Him.

I am currently walking away with a much more profound sense of connection to Christ and the spiritual world that I didn't feel before seminary. It is beautiful to witness how God has led us through all the bumps and bruises through many chance encounters, cancelled plans, less-than-ideal situations, and sacrifice. With this washing over, of sorts, that we have been able to experience, I can see more clearly how my interactions affect those around me and how my spiritual health is built on a platform of connectedness. While I intellectually understood the parallel of "relation" in Orthodox theology (the Trinity is mirrored in our lives in many ways, and without this relationship, we can't experience the fullness of Christ, Theosis, as God intended), all this has painted a wonderful living tapestry that I couldn't see before attending seminary.

The life of a seminarian is advertised as a magical spiritual growing opportunity in the safety cocoon of a monastery in the quiet embrace of an off-grid community. While there is a truth in that picture, it is not the full picture. However, if you are called, God will give you the strength to endure, and the blessings of servants of our Lord to guide your path. I am eternally grateful for the love and care that surrounded us over the past 3 years. I could never begin to thank all the people who deserve it, because that list is never ending; however, I would like to mention a few folks by name who made it possible for us to attend seminary thanks to their financial support and generous gifts, especially to our children.

I am going to do my best to keep some of these particularly vague for privacy reasons, but I just need to express my gratitude to some folks, because without them, we wouldn't have made it through.

Thank you to...

My Parents: thank you for making it so we could take breaks and go on

mini-trips to Maine, for coming to visit numerous times, helping financially when we had nothing, and for your moral support through kindness and prayer. There is so much more, but I just want you to know that without you, this could not have happened.

Uncle Mark and Aunt Sue: thank you for your monthly financial pledge to our family during seminary. Because of you, we could pay our utilities. Thank you for making time for us and for attending all the major highlights and celebrations.

Aunt Jean: thank you for your financial contributions throughout seminary, for your kindness, prayers, and cheerful disposition which always left me in a better mood. I am so thankful to have you as an auntie.

Popadija and Father Milorad: thank you for taking care of our children. We love you and thank you for being with us every step of the way. You are a blessing to our family and just know tears of joy streamed my face 2 years ago when we received coats for the kids. My heart was truly softened by your generosity.

The Cardells: if you are blessed to know them, you know what a treasure they are. Thank you both for your kindness, support, taking care of Louie in a pinch, and for blessing our family with your love and faithfulness.

Holy Transfiguration Greek Orthodox Church: thank you for supporting us for many months during seminary, and most especially for your love and care for our family. HT was where I solidified my love of the church and our faith, and it will always be home.

Cade & Maria : thank you for always being an incredible sounding board. Having family who also serves in ministry has made this so much easier by knowing we can have people to talk to. Thank you also for your financial support, prayers, and for the many gifts you have given me by way of professional development, Maria!

Dawn: thank you for your prayers and financial gifts of support. Thank you for rallying your parish to pray for us. Those prayers have helped us through many difficult times.

Amber & family: thank you for your prayers. Thank you for supporting my small business, and for sharing our story with your church so that they may pray for us as well.

Ladies of HT: there are too dang many of you! ;) I love you, I feel your love, prayers, encouragement, and support. I am eternally grateful for all of you in the numerous ways you have shown up for our family: from clothes for the kids, money for date night, and everything in between, I love you.

Angelic: what can I say? I love you. Thank you for being there for me and for always being an amazing friend.

Kim & Curtis: *see Angelic* I love you guys. (I am not crying! that much...)

Kochan Family: thanks for giving me Sarah, for rallying behind seminarians, for your support, prayers, and blessing the St. Tikhon's community with your steadfast devotion to improving our quality of life at STOTS.

The Coons: thank you for your love, care, and support. Your financial gifts helped us pay the bills and I am thankful to have you in our lives. May God bless and keep you always.

Sahar & Marie: I am thankful we crossed paths those three years ago, and a friendship founded on the grounds of Holy Protection Monastery will always be a solid friendship. Thank you for your love and support, the gifts for the kids, and for showing up even when I know your lives are hectic. I love you both dearly.

Fr. Meletios and Family: We love you! Thank you for the gift of your sweet daughters whom I get call friends, and thank you for supporting and loving us through all the transitions.

Manal & Jamil: Your love and support of our family is nothing short of a gift. A gift we do not deserve, but I am eternally grateful that you made us a priority when we were so clearly "out of place" haha! Thank you for showing up, and for loving and praying for us.

Fr. Richard and Saint Mary's: What can I say? We innocently walked in through your doors nearly 3 years ago, and look what has transpired... thank you for loving us, taking us in, and for being our family. Robin: We love you! Barbara, C says, "Hello!" ;) Hayden, we miss you, & Fr., thank you.

There are dozens more people I could thank, so please forgive me if I forgot your name. Thank you to all the extended family and friends who supported us from afar, and for those who were able to attend graduation and ordinations, thank you!

Also, please forgive me if I ever hurt you while at seminary. One thing I talked about a lot with Fr. Alexis was, "I feel like we are all here seeing each other at our worst, and this is not how I want people to think of me!"

Alas, those who knew us at our core loved us anyway and saw through the struggle. I just want to say to all the friends I made at STOTS, thank you for being a kind and patient sounding board. Thank you for watching my kids, for supporting my small business, for asking me to write a book with you (lol), and for showing up time and time again. Thank you for the numerous long nights of laughs and debriefs while our husbands were away. Thank you for the girl talks over wine, walks, and play dates. Thank you to those I have stayed in touch with. I am thankful to be walking away from this experience with several very close friends that I know I can call any time I need them. Thank you for your candor, your humility, your faithfulness, and your prayers. God planted so many fruitful seeds of friendship over our time at seminary, and while I didn't publicly proclaim that from the rooftops very often, I am eternally grateful.

Lastly, thank you to the spiritual leaders who got us here. Thank you to the numerous priests who supported us, our hierarchs, and the faithful Saint Sophia's Ukrainian Seminary community. What a blessing to be surrounded by such caring and devoted examples of the Orthodox Christian faith.

Thank you for listening as I outwardly process one of the most impactful 3 years of my life, and please enjoy this little highlight reel from seminary (and a few shots from up in Alaska over break)… mostly taken from our last year because phew, too many photos. God bless you all, and may we cross paths sooner rather than later.

With love and prayers,

Pani Delaney & the rest of the Clods